Saturday, June 18, 2011


I will get back to love and all the troubles that that idea causes me.

I want to take a look at flying. I am so tired about people complaining about flying today. People keep talking about the new security measures, the lack of food and how airlines are violating their rights. Guess what? The airlines are not violating anything. Show me where people have the right not to be patted down before boarding an airplane. I know that it is not in the Constitution since I cannot imagine them writing that little addendum hundreds of years ago.

You want to get on a plane? Well, the pat down is now part of the price of admission. People who enlist in the military expect to go through boot camp. Travellers should expect to have a stranger check out their bodies. If it really bothers you this much then pretend you really enjoy the pat down. Really, really enjoy it. "Yes, yes, up a little higher, right there. Now faster, faster, Yes YES YES!" That will stop the agent. Of course, other people will hear this and someone will say "I want that agent to pat me down!".

We don't have any rights when we cross the airport. All we have are things they let us do and things they do to us. If you don't like it, you can always drive their or take a train. The plane is more convenient and a faster way to get there. So you have to do what they want. Their house, their rules.As George Carlin said "We don't have rights, we have privileges."

Why are the people who complained about the quality of food on flights now the same ones who are complaining that there is no more food served on flights. People need to be able to eat bland, mass produced food? I am glad the food is gone since it gives the flight attendant more time to focus on more important things such as getting the hot towels to just the right temperature or to make sure that I have  a pair of defective headphones so I don't have to hear the movie.

One thing I don't like is the door that separates the pilots from the passengers. Now I know this door is a necessity since pilots don't need to be bothered by John Q. Public but I don't like that it locks from the inside. What if one pilot is a hemophiliac and cuts himself so he bleeds profusely and the other co-pilot cannot stand the sight of blood. The co-pilot passes out and then who is flying the plane. No one.

Or what if the two pilots decide to join the mile high club in that little room? Sure, it is great for them but what about the rest of us who are going to die without getting some pleasure?

Speaking about the mile high club, we never seem to hear about this anymore. I miss it. I think it should come back. I mean who does not want to get two people into a narrow room only meant for one. Now it should be you have to do it with a flight attendant, pilot or the Air Marshall. That should up the difficulty level and would allow the people to use the good bathroom the crew gets. Come on, you know that the crew does not use that little bathroom assigned to the passengers. Theirs has leg room and seat warmers.

Or better yet, why not have airlines add this as an extra service. When you are buying the ticket there should be a place where they ask if you want to join the mile high club. You check yes and pay the extra fees and the airline puts one more person on the plane (perhaps one of the flight crew is assigned this duty) to handle this service. Sure it will drive the price of the ticket up, but aren't you worth it?

Speaking of this, you have to imagine that sometime there is a little kid near the bathroom when this is going on and can hear everything. When someone starts yelling "YES, YES, YES!" the kid turns to mommy or daddy and says "that person must have really needed to pee."

 Comments are welcome.

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