Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Soft on the inside

Hollywood, you're killing my people.

People are always saying that people who are gruff on the outside are soft on the inside. That is so wrong. So, so wrong. Underneath my tough exterior is....another tough exterior. I blame this belief on TV. Television always shows these tough characters to have soft spots on the inside and that simply disgusts me. Ugh.

Like with the movie "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." That was a fine character until the end when they ruined him. Having his heart grow several sizes destroyed a perfectly good character. Why did they have to go and do that?

Why does Hollywood have to go and do such things? Why can't they just show a wonderfully hard hearted character make his way in the world without trying to soften them up? Sure, the person ends up friendless and alone, eating dinner out of a microwave cup--uhm, what was my point again?

While we are on the subject on Hollywood, why do they keep putting out so many remakes? If Hollywood is really this low on ideas than stop making these movies and wasting so much money. They can just give the money away if they want to spend it. I have a bank account that could use the money.

Some people have expressed the idea that I am soft on the inside. I scoff at the concept. How dare they impugn my character with such drivel! Why not just suggest that I like Twilight movies (I don't), eat all my vegetables (I won't) and that I should watch reality TV (I refuse).

People who have gotten to know me warn other people with the phrase "Don't poke the bear." That's right, I am the bear. It is so fantastic! People fear me my sardonic wit. Wait, that may not be something to be proud. Just kidding. It is the one thing that keeps me going.

My morning mantra is "I'm sarcastic enough. I'm sardonic enough and darn it, I'm cruel enough." I repeat it a few times and I am ready to start the day. I don't smell the flowers. I trample them.

Helping is one of my strong points. When someone is feeling low I am always willing to kick them while they are down. Sure I am helping. I'm helping myself and isn't that the most important thing?

People have asked (okay, it was one person) why can't I just be nice. So I was. Overbearingly so. I did nice for two days before the person who made the request told me to stop it and go back to the way I was since it was creeping him out. Some people just can't be nice. Apparently I'm one of them.

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way." This is a movie reference (Yes, I know some of you are saying "Duh" right now) that had the rough edged protagonist go soft in the end.

So, Hollywood, I want to see a character that is hard on the inside and outside, someone who is not motivated by love (since they have never known it). Someone who is sarcastic, smart, and quick witted. Someone who doesn't relate well to others since his mind works differently and people are a little afraid of this. Hmmm, this person sounds familiar. Not only familiar but AWESOME!

(The person is me. Deal with it.)

Monday, May 20, 2013


I was 22 when my mother, in her gravelly voice, called me to tell me it was time to get married. Unfortunately, the call came at about 7 A.M. on a Saturday morning after a long night of drinking with Elaine(?). The call went through on speaker phone. Elaine(?) was able to hear what I heard and right after I said hello in a groggy voice, my mother made her demand.

"It is time for you to get married." After that statement, Elaine started running for the door. She didn't even put her clothes on. Just pushed her way out of bed, grabbed her dress and ran for the door. I never saw her again. Oh, well.

My mother continued (like the first statement wasn't enough) "Your sister is married. Your brother is now engaged." My sister, Janie Mae, was two years older than me and got married about 9 months ago. My brother, Joseph, is 19 which is very young to be getting married.

My father (my parents are long divorced) always told us growing up to not get married (sometimes he stopped there) until you are at least 28.

My mother, upon hearing this piece of advice, told us not to listen to... (Well, she started speaking in angry German and I couldn't keep up) but I am guessing it wasn't polite. After this the calls started coming in fast and furious.

Okay, the calls came every three months. My mother operated on a set schedule. I quickly learned not to answer the phone on those days. Okay, I ignored the phone as a general rule. Nothing good ever happens on the phone. Perhaps I am being too cynical but there is only so many times one can get phone calls from telemarketers and doughnut salesmen before one loses faith in the device.

My mother invariably called when I had a woman over. Whenever the lovely young lady would hear my mother demand I get married, she ran. Some women have the walk of shame. Women who hear my mother's demand do the dash of disgust.

Then the calls stopped. Almost overnight. Or, to be more specific, three years later when Janie Mae gave birth to her first child. As time progressed and the family swelled with more children it became harder and harder to get my mother to call me. I realized that once my mother had grandchildren I was irrelevant. Not that I have ever established relevance before but this really, really hurt. I cried gigantic tears. (Those who know me doubt I even have tears. I don't).

I was replaced by little beings who drool, speak a lot of gibberish, and live in the moment since they don't have plans for the future. My family says the kids are mini versions of me. I don't think they mean that as a compliment.

Monday, May 13, 2013

FB changes

Facebook is changing how people use the service. I am confused by several things that occur on FB. On this site people are concerned with getting as many friends as they can and having people like their statuses. The more friends you have means you are more popular. Wait a minute, Facebook is just like high school! Sigh, I thought I was out and they pulled me back in.

Liking still confuses me. People like the oddest things.

I just got run over by a car.
7 people like this

My wife left me for a physical trainer.
15 people like this.

I hate you all.
29 people like this.

So basically the worse the statement the more that people like it. Why isn't there a disgust button? Or a you're an idiot button? Or my soul died a little bit as I read your status button?

Administrators have updated people's relationships statuses but they still have not come up with one that fits my situation.

It is complicated? It's never complicated. You either are or you are not in a relationship. Here are similar statements that really are not that difficult.

      I want a sandwich but I don't want a sandwich. It's complicated.

      I want to read a book but I don't want to read a book. It's complicated
      I'm not very smart...
                    Let me stop you there and say you are correct,  you are not very smart.

Unless you are having an affair and then it is complicated. "He told me he is going to leave his wife for me."

 "Oh, honey, wake up." That should be a status reaction. More than poking. Seriously, poking. Throwing sheep. Tipping cows. This is what social interactions have come to. Sigh. It is no wonder the aliens stay away from us.

When it comes to relationship statuses they have not added a listing for me yet.

Here are ones they need:

I love her but she has no idea who I am.

I want her but she has no idea how I feel about her.

Some people are meant to be alone.

Too crazy to be loved.

The government has declared loving me to be a crime.

Ornery, mean, and unlovable.

Living a wild fantasy life.

Living in sin with a body pillow.

In love with myself.

Beer goggles got us together.

Waiting for Vampire Willow to love me.

If you have any different ones, feel free to tell me.


Monday, May 6, 2013

Free Comic Book Day 2013

The first Satuday of every May now sees a national event called Free Comic Book Day and it is getting huge. Gail Simone even appeared at a comic shop which would be a big draw for that store.

Even if she did not appear the word free would bring people in. People are mad for anything that is labeled free. It doesn't matter what it is. Moldy bread? Sure, as long as it is free. Pickled frog toes? Frayed power cords? The lost episode of "Jersey Shore"? Sad, but people would still drive hundreds of miles to get these things as long as they have the magic word attached to them.

I love the people that complain about these things. "It has too much mold on it." "I don't really like 'Jersey Shore'." To be fair, that last comment is sensible.

Trilogy Comics is the store I spent my national holiday at. It is a national holiday, right? There are so many of them that I have lost track. Bill Maus was there signing and drawing which is where I was able to get the sketch.
It should come as a surprise to no one that Zatanna was in the sketch. She is giving Rogue a gift, one that catches Rogue off guard. Bill Maus loved the idea when it was pitched and so I was able to get this which made the day memorable for me.

Some cosplayers showed up as well and I have a few photos of them. It was a mixed bunch between a pro wrestler, Power Rangers, Marvel and Grimm's Fairy Tales. Enjoy.