free weekends

I am a victim of dating sites! Okay, that is a overstatement. Unless you accept having to suffer through all the commercials on television. Having to see all those people swear up and down about how bad things were for them but the site made life worth living.

Many people have seen those commercials for the dating sites offering free weekends. This sounds good--"Find the love of your life--FOR FREE!" What people find out later is you are not allowed to see the picture of your matches unless  you join.

Now I know that appearance is not everything but it is something. I refuse to date someone with three heads. I draw the line there. Called me biased if you want.

Here is a deep, dark  secret. I have tried two different dating services. The first was a gift membership from a former roommate who decided I needed to have a partner. It was a rough six months especially after being told there is no one out there for me. That is just the revelation a person wants. Way to sell your site "By the way, you are going to end up alone since you are such an oddity that there is no one out there for you. Sign up here.".

You have to fill out a personal evaluation so the site can match you with that someone special. The questions answer choices range from strongly disagree to strongly agree. The questionnaire is very long:

If everyone else jumped off a cliff I would do it too.
I believe in governmental conspiracies.
I know my pets are plotting against me (of course, who can really disagree with this one).


Years later I was sucked in by the advertising of free views of a certain "peaceful" site and barely survived it. The commercials let me know that at least 1 in 5 relationships start on the Internet. That is 20%. So, of course, I had to join right away. I needed to be in that 20%.

 I received some letters on this site. It was always letters from women who asked me a specific question.

The letter always asked "Do you want to see me naked?".
Sensibly, my response always was "Yes, please.".
The women (?) never followed up.

I knew I was doomed when I got a letter from another person who wrote one sentence in her letter "Is that a real picture of you?". I said yes and then, almost like magic, her profile vanished.

My favorite part were the Russian women looking for matches. I always wondered how they do. Were they able to find the green card they wanted? I should do that--pose as a Russian man looking for a green card and love with a  U.S. citizen.

Of course, like in life, women have all the power on these sites since men are as desperate on there as they are in real life. At least I was and women could smell it. How they smelled things through the Internet I'll never know. They must have those new scratch and sniff computers I have heard so much about.

Any time a woman joins one of these sites men jump all over it. I can only imagine women are deluged with multiple emails from guys who think she is mate material. Women get to pick and choose. I kept waiting and waiting. Eventually I blamed the email system since it must not be working right. I sent a letter to the technical department saying my email must be faulty. Their response was "Yeah, blame the email system".
Comments always welcome.