Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Revealing a secret like the Ladies on the Talk.

                The women on the show “The Talk” recently spent a week revealing personal secrets. They have inspired me to do the same. This revelation might clear up some things that people do not understand about me. Let me start off by saying that, before I moved to Georgia in August, someone made a comment about my moving there because of a woman. It was a joke based on my relationship status and history. Here is the secret:

                I have not been on a proper date since 1997.

                I will explain the date that ended things for me but let me clarify some points. I know that I am not handsome or attractive or whatever term you want to use for pretty. I know that no woman’s pulse has ever sped up when they see me and that no one’s face has ever lit up when I enter a room. I do not flirt with women anymore and I don’t ask women on dates anymore. I know that women can do better (which has been explained to me) and I have seen more than one woman laugh with her friends that I would even dare to ask her out.

                I am not anti-relationship, don’t get me wrong and am not jealous when I see two people together. I know many people who are in great relationships and are very happy. I have recently met Dough Hubler and he is completely and totally enamored with his wife which is great for him (and completely fantastic in itself). Relationships are all around and it seems to be the natural order of things to be in one. I never ask why that can't be me. I know why.
                Before I go any further, let me explain my last date. I asked her out and she said yes. At the chosen time, I showed up to her house only to find she was not there. I don’t mean that she was still getting ready and was running late. I mean she had left the house a little while before our date so she would not have to go out with me. Now, my dating history had been spotty before this but this was a whole new level for me. I found out that she did not return home until about 40 minutes later firsthand. I was set to leave but her family invited me inside to wait for her and they would not take no for an answer.  I sat, waiting, and she did not show until much later, as I was preparing to leave. We went out on the date and you can guess how that went. She was less than thrilled that I was still there when she returned.
                As I said, my dating history was spotty before this but this was the end. I have yet to meet anyone who expresses any interest in me and, to be honest, women are wary of me. At this point I do not blame them for not having interest in me. If you read my blog you know that I have nothing to offer anyone.
                I accept that no one is ever going to think that I am attractive, that no woman will ever swoon over me.
                I accept that no one is ever going to choose me as a romantic partner.  
                I avoid physical contact when I can. Anything beyond a handshake is extreme for me.
                I fear this is leaking into other parts of my life and affecting other relationships. Women may be afraid I am interested in a relationship with them, that I am being shut out because of this fear. Perhaps they see me as desperate. I hope they don’t since I have accepted growing old alone. Perhaps they are wary of someone who is my age and has never been in a serious relationship. I cannot answer as to the why.

               I am not writing this to elicit sympathy from people. This is a choice I have made. I have been influenced by the actions of others but it comes down to a choice I made. I could have kept trying but did not. It just seemed like the natural thing to do.

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