I know why people hate me.: September 2013

Friday, September 27, 2013

evening interruptions

One thing I really don't like is strangers (well, even friends who do this become persona non grata after this) stopping by in the evening trying to sell me something (Yes, I will buy those girl scout cookies once they come 100% girl scout flavored) or trying to convince me to join their religion. Now, I have nothing against religion and faith since these can help keep people strong during times of trouble. Having said that, I do not need people on my doorstep trying to convince me that I need to meet their deity.

Side story--In one of the many jobs I have had one of my coworkers, Adam, told Brian and myself that he was getting married. I volunteered to conduct the ceremony as I could easily become ordained. Brian chimed in with "Where, the Church of Latter Day Satanists." That was a good one. It's funny cause I'm evil.

I have developed several strategies to deal with these people:

1) When they ask if I have met their god, I ask if they have met mine and hold up a chicken bone.

2) Pick one of these people (you know they never come alone) and start hitting on them. Smile, flirt, ask "How you doing?", do whatever it takes. Just make it obvious what you are doing. Discomfort makes them leave faster.

3) Imitate Julian Beck as Kane from Poltergeist 2. That was one creepy old man what with that toothy smile and his asking "Can I have your little girl?" Okay, that was not what he asked but that is what he was basically doing.

4) Strip naked and announce loudly "I dedicate this body to you, O Lord." Trust me, stripping down all the way will make even the most dedicated of these door to door people flee.

5) Eat the pamphlet they give you right in from of them (making loud noises such as "Yum, oh this so good, Nom Nom"). When done, say "Please, sir, can I have some more?"

6) "Do you sacrifice virgins?" They will answer "NO" in a horrified tone. When they do, reply "Pity" and slam the door in their faces.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

bucket list

Okay, so conventional wisdom says everyone should have one of these lists. People should live like they want to live and do what they want to do but life (and a good sense of propriety) always get in the way. But not for me. Having a lack of shame adds to this. Below are the things that I want to do. Be warned, the list is not for the faint of heart or the gentle of constitution. Read at your own risk.

1) Sky dive. I want to jump out of a plane and plummet to the earth. Heck, I may not even wait for the guide to say that we are over the safe zone and scream "Top of the world, ma!" as I approach the ground.

2) Wake up next to a nun and convince her that something happened the night before. Bad things. Naughty things. Things that would make people blush. Bonus points if it is Mother Superior. Heck, if I can get away with doing this I am buying myself a cake. I will have earned it.

3) To be published in a national publication (and I don't mean the Enquirer). I want to be in a respectable publication. Sure, it will probably bring down the quality of the title and may cause readership to drop but hey, as long as my goal is met.

4) To make a good woman bad and a bad woman good. I want to be the cause. And I want them to thank me for it. They can thank me with flowers. Or candy. Or candy and flowers. But no smoochies. That would be the worst.

5) To make up a new holiday. Single and childless day. It should be a national event to celebrate us who don't bring kids into the world, little beings that are competing for limited resources. Sure, the single part (for me) is by mutual decision by all women (I am told the entire female population had a meeting and voted) but it still counts.

6) To learn the word for no in Spanish. I keep asking people to tell me what it is but they only respond with "no." Why won't they tell me the word for no?

7) To have an actual, bona fide, fully functional get out of jail free card. I say this since some members of my family want to know why I am not in jail. That is the exact question they ask. "Why aren't you in jail?"

8) To get double and triple digits of followers on this blog. So far very few people have signed up as followers so I have to believe that this one "ain't looking too good." While I am wishing for the impossible, why not include a wish for more Twitter followers (@TheOneTrueAl) or for more Facebook friends. Or Skype contacts. That would be nice. Not going to happen but nice.

9) To have a best friend (Trust me, no one wants or applies for this position).

10) To topple a government. You know what I am talking about. Enough said since THEY are watching...

Some things I have accomplished (and taken off the list). Creating a pun so bad that it gets me kicked out of a house. Performing and getting a full house of applause (sure, they were first graders who did it after I read a story complete with different voices but they all applauded so I am going to take it. Plus the teacher said they never applaud when she reads a story.). To have a room full of woman scream when I enter (okay, they screamed as they ran out of the room but I will take it)

Friday, September 20, 2013

100 websites to see before...

Okay, so I am not actually going to list 100 websites here but they are ones you should see. Today. Right now. Follow the links and go to the sites right now.

http://www.thegeekforge.org/
This one is a great one to visit. They have many things to see such as convention pictures and how to videos. They update on a regular basis with a variety of content. It is not one sided toward one activity. Plus, extra bonus reason to visit, they make things. Things you can buy from them such as superhero related accessories. I mean who would not want a pair of Wonder Woman earrings. I don't wear earrings but I still wanted them.

http://www.zooatlanta.org/1212/panda_cam
You can watch pandas or follow the links to other animals at the Atlanta Zoo. So even if you don't want to see a panda (WHAT?) there is much more to see.

http://www.elfquest.com/gallery/OnlineComics3.html
Ever hear of Elfquest? No, well, this is the place to go (or even if you have heard of it and want to read more).

http://www.gutenberg.org/
Who loves books? Who loves free things? Here is a site that combines both! I know, it is very exciting.

http://www.care2.com/causes/10-signs-your-kitty-actually-loves-you.html?page=1
This is another one about animals. Why? Because I want to. Lots of things about pets.

There are some others you may not have heard of that are fun to see like
Youtube.com
Imdb.com
Facebook.com

Those last three may be ones you haven't heard of since they are hard sells. I mean, watching videos, learning about movies/actors, or social networking are things people really aren't that interested in.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Celebrities at conventions

If you attend conventions such as San Diego Comic Con, Dragon Con, New York Comic Con or any such convention, you know that celebrities are a big draw. People flock there to get autographs, chat with various celebrities, get pictures with the celebrity, etc. I am no different but I go there for certain individuals. Like, for instance, I love Farscape and am working my way through that cast.

In 2012 I got to meet Rebecca Riggs, Gigi Edgley(Right), and Virginia Hey(bottom). This was the start of the Farscape cast for me.

In 2013 I got to meet Paul Goddard and Anthony Simcoe. Claudia Black, Lani Tupu, and Ben Browder--I'm coming for you next. You have no idea how much I like meeting the Farscape cast since I was so hooked on this show.

In 2012 I also met Amber Benson. I have talked about meeting her previously so go read my blogs from Dragon Con 2012.

2013 also saw the cast of Fringe show up. This is another show that I am fascinated with and some of the cast showed up. I plan on getting the rest of the cast photographed as they show up at cons I attend. I was able to get Jasika Nicole, Seth Gable and Michael Cerveris(bottom) this time.

The other two celebrities I met during 2013 were Claire Coffee (who had the best price for just getting a photo with her--free!) and Kelly Hu.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Revealing a secret like the Ladies on the Talk.

The women on the show “The Talk” recently spent a week revealing personal secrets. They have inspired me to do the same. This revelation might clear up some things that people do not understand about me. Let me start off by saying that, before I moved to Georgia in August, someone made a comment about my moving there because of a woman. It was a joke based on my relationship status and history. Here is the secret:

I have not been on a proper date since 1997.

I will explain the date that ended things for me but let me clarify some points. I know that I am not handsome or attractive or whatever term you want to use for pretty. I know that no woman’s pulse has ever sped up when they see me and that no one’s face has ever lit up when I enter a room. I do not flirt with women anymore and I don’t ask women on dates anymore. I know that women can do better (which has been explained to me) and I have seen more than one woman laugh with her friends that I would even dare to ask her out.

I am not anti-relationship, don’t get me wrong and am not jealous when I see two people together. I know many people who are in great relationships and are very happy. I have recently met Dough Hubler and he is completely and totally enamored with his wife which is great for him (and completely fantastic in itself). Relationships are all around and it seems to be the natural order of things to be in one. I never ask why that can't be me. I know why.

Before I go any further, let me explain my last date. I asked her out and she said yes. At the chosen time, I showed up to her house only to find she was not there. I don’t mean that she was still getting ready and was running late. I mean she had left the house a little while before our date so she would not have to go out with me. Now, my dating history had been spotty before this but this was a whole new level for me. I found out that she did not return home until about 40 minutes later firsthand. I was set to leave but her family invited me inside to wait for her and they would not take no for an answer. I sat, waiting, and she did not show until much later, as I was preparing to leave. We went out on the date and you can guess how that went. She was less than thrilled that I was still there when she returned.

As I said, my dating history was spotty before this but this was the end. I have yet to meet anyone who expresses any interest in me and, to be honest, women are wary of me. At this point I do not blame them for not having interest in me. If you read my blog you know that I have nothing to offer anyone.

I accept that no one is ever going to think that I am attractive, that no woman will ever swoon over me.

I accept that no one is ever going to choose me as a romantic partner.

I avoid physical contact when I can. Anything beyond a handshake is extreme for me.

I fear this is leaking into other parts of my life and affecting other relationships. Women may be afraid I am interested in a relationship with them, that I am being shut out because of this fear. Perhaps they see me as desperate. I hope they don’t since I have accepted growing old alone. Perhaps they are wary of someone who is my age and has never been in a serious relationship. I cannot answer as to the why.

I am not writing this to elicit sympathy from people. This is a choice I have made. I have been influenced by the actions of others but it comes down to a choice I made. I could have kept trying but did not. It just seemed like the natural thing to do.