Wednesday, December 4, 2013

By the numbers

So here are some startling facts about things I have noticed.     

                More people do not read this blog than do. That is a terrible statistic and it horrifies me but it is true.

                63% of Americans have admitted to wearing sandals at one time. That is a horrible statistic. Also, 14% of people have worn sandals and black socks together. Those 14% just look stupid. If you want to cover your feet, just put on a pair of shoes.

                3% of cats think they are better than humans. The other 97% KNOW they are better than humans. 100% of cats love you more when you have something they want like turkey or chicken or anything that smells delicious.

                99% of the people I know pretend they don’t know me. The other 1% are in training.

                Breakfast bowls have over 100% of your daily recommended cholesterol allowance. That means one serving is all the cholesterol you need for a whole day. It means you cannot eat anything else that contains cholesterol. Thanks, breakfast bowls.

                98% of Americans have stepped on the crack and broken their mother’s back. 72% of these mothers have sued and won. The other 28% sued and lost.

                4 out of 5 dentists do not want me in their offices. The fifth dentist realized that the amount of work needing to be done can pay his kid’s college education.

                100% more people use the internet than those who lived 100 years ago.

                18% of the people I know believe I am a horrible, horrible person. In other news, 82% of the people I know are wrong.

                1 out of every 1,000 people has been brutally attacked by flying fish. There are now support groups for these individuals as they try to put their lives back together.

                32% of gynecologists are male. In a related story 32% of gynecologists shouldn’t be trusted.

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