humor for love

One thing television has taught me is that women want men with a sense of humor. Holding that as the gold standard I went out and prepared. I worked on timing for years. I practiced sarcasm and keeping a straight face, worked on puns (some of which have gotten me kicked out of some places), developed a sense of irreverence towards all things and attempted to learn funny voices. All this I did and more. You know what? It did not do me a bit of good. No woman has ever told me that my sense of humor has made them fall in love with me. No one has ever swooned when I made a snarky comment at someone's expense.

TV couldn't have been wrong, can it?

I know I am funny since my mommy tells me so. She had me tested but I am not sure it was for a sense of humor. There were a lot of questions

I make people laugh. I am never sure whether they are laughing at me or with me but it is laughter none the less, right?

I know I am funny even though I was sent a statement which read:

Your whimsy is flimsy.
Your sense of humor is only a rumor.
Your wit makes me want to spit (out profanities).

There is a message in this but I refuse to see it.

And yet, women are not throwing themselves at me. That means TV lied to me! How could it? I trusted it to teach me how to actually get women. I tried the Joey T. way from "Friends" by saying "How you doing?". Nothing. I tried to woo women with a sense of humor. Nothing. Hmm, maybe I should emulate scenarios where Stockholm Syndrome comes to play. Hmm....

Maybe my sense of humor is too much for any one woman. Sure, it has a mean component like when I was talking to Byron and he mentioned he was not able to finish a large bucket of popcorn at one sitting. M y eyes flicked down to his belly (the important part is to make sure he saw my eyes going down to his mid section) and then saying I find that hard to believe. He was offended that my eyes went to his stomach. Not the actual words but that I looked. Oh, well.

Maybe my wit is too clever. Someone asked a group of people why someone named a business the PMS Deli. My response was "Cause it is only open 3 days a month." All the women got that. Most of the men did not. The women laughed. The men looked puzzled.

One person had the audacity to tell me they can never tell when I am serious. The nerve! I am rarely serious and which should be obvious since my face never changer expression. I have that kind of face. I just wish I didn't.

Maybe I am too insulting. Someone said they were going to be the next Sigmund Freud. I responded by saying I think you mean the next Sigmund Fraud. They really did not appreciate that. I can't understand why not. It was brilliant. BRILLIANT.

Yet women are still not charmed by sense of humor.

I still cannot believe TV would lead me astray. If you cannot trust TV what else is there? Does this mean that nerds don't get the attractive blonds? People on sitcoms who don't have jobs or never spend time at work do okay financially. Don't tell me that isn't true! That was my last hope.

If odd looking guys cannot actually win women over with a highly developed sense of humor than I am doomed. DOOMED!

I only bring this up due to Valentine's day coming. Also, since I have tried the personality profiles for one of those dating sites and the result came back stating there is no one out there for me.

Great...