Another
statement that annoys me (yes, there are many) is “Christmas snuck up on me.”
Christmas is not a ninja, people. It is the same day every year. It is not like
the day jumps around from year to year.
“Okay,
people, this year Christmas is going to be on February 12th. Next
year it will be September 7th.”
It
never moves. It is always December 25th. It is even marked on
calendars. This is one of those days that you cannot escape seeing since retail
stores start promoting it in October. When someone says it is December you
should realize Christmas is almost here. Even if you don’t celebrate this
holiday (which is fine since I have had all the holiday spirit bled out of me)
you should still be aware of it. Radio stations start playing holiday music
right after Thanksgiving which is something else I really hate. I feel like
smashing radios that are tuned to stations playing non-stop Christmas tunes.
Shouldn’t
the fact that Thanksgiving just happened be a REALLY BIG CLUE to what comes
next? I don’t mean Black Friday which is a good way to start the last month
before Christmas. Let’s trample an electrician since a human life is worth less
than a TV on sale.
“Timmy,
you had better like that 42’’ TV. Do you know what mommy and daddy had to do to
get it?”
Having
worked in retail for many Christmases has made me hate the season. First, the
weather gets cold. Well, it does on the East Coast. The West Coast has it a lot
easier what with all the sun and warm temperatures. If there were no threat of
the big one coming I am sure everyone would be living there. Of course I would
have to adjust my thinking to make fun of these fools who wear Santa hats with
bikinis.
One of
the worst parts is those people who wait until the last week to try to find
gifts when all the good presents are gone. These are the gifts for the people
who the giver does not really care about but are last minute thoughts since the
giver feels obliged to give something. The is the time when people shop for 1)
people they don’t like but feel like they have to buy this person something or
2) The person is your Secret Santa name from work who you really, really hate
but you drew their name and no one else will trade with you. The third reason is that the giver is just
lazy. They don’t feel like shopping so they go at the last minute and end up getting
the worst gifts imaginable like skis for that person who is afraid of snow, a
three pack of car scents for a friend or a 6 pack of socks for a loved one with
that being all the giver intends to buy and give.
The
last week is bad since people smell of desperation and all the good gifts are
gone. Customers go into the ‘If it is not nailed down, take it’ phase. These
are the people who shout “How can you be sold out of this? There are still 6
hours left till Christmas!” This is also the time where people realize they
need batteries and retail chains can charge anything for these items. This is
when I like to stand back and watch the tears and pleading begin.
“I don’t care if the cookie platter is half
eaten. I’ll still buy it.”
“The
plant only has one leaf left and is dying? I’ll take it.”
One of
my biggest pet peeves about the holiday is what people give out as gifts.
Specifically I am talking about clothes. My wardrobe is pretty simple. I wear
black T’s and black jeans. That is the core of everything yet people still gave
me clothes that there is no way on this world or the next that I am going to
wear. “Uhm, that is a lot of purple.”
When I was growing up I had to fight a long and hard battle to get people
to stop giving me clothes (mainly sweaters). It eventually worked and
everything was fine. Now people have started up again and so the fight begins
anew. I am getting too old for this.
I tend
to avoid holiday music and movies since I don’t believe in messages of goodness
and coming together during this time. I think the Grinch had it right at the
start and they ruined a perfectly good character. I have been called Grinch,
Scrooge and many other names but I don’t care. During this time I limit my vocabulary
to two words and they aren’t Merry Christmas. I have been given coal as a gift
in case anyone is wondering. It came in a little red sack. I kept it and love
it. Finally, someone gets me.
Bah,
Humbug.
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