Monday, November 5, 2012


                Another statement that annoys me (yes, there are many) is “Christmas snuck up on me.” Christmas is not a ninja, people. It is the same day every year. It is not like the day jumps around from year to year.

                “Okay, people, this year Christmas is going to be on February 12th. Next year it will be September 7th.”

                It never moves. It is always December 25th. It is even marked on calendars. This is one of those days that you cannot escape seeing since retail stores start promoting it in October. When someone says it is December you should realize Christmas is almost here. Even if you don’t celebrate this holiday (which is fine since I have had all the holiday spirit bled out of me) you should still be aware of it. Radio stations start playing holiday music right after Thanksgiving which is something else I really hate. I feel like smashing radios that are tuned to stations playing non-stop Christmas tunes.

                Shouldn’t the fact that Thanksgiving just happened be a REALLY BIG CLUE to what comes next? I don’t mean Black Friday which is a good way to start the last month before Christmas. Let’s trample an electrician since a human life is worth less than a TV on sale.

                “Timmy, you had better like that 42’’ TV. Do you know what mommy and daddy had to do to get it?”

                Having worked in retail for many Christmases has made me hate the season. First, the weather gets cold. Well, it does on the East Coast. The West Coast has it a lot easier what with all the sun and warm temperatures. If there were no threat of the big one coming I am sure everyone would be living there. Of course I would have to adjust my thinking to make fun of these fools who wear Santa hats with bikinis.

                One of the worst parts is those people who wait until the last week to try to find gifts when all the good presents are gone. These are the gifts for the people who the giver does not really care about but are last minute thoughts since the giver feels obliged to give something. The is the time when people shop for 1) people they don’t like but feel like they have to buy this person something or 2) The person is your Secret Santa name from work who you really, really hate but you drew their name and no one else will trade with you.  The third reason is that the giver is just lazy. They don’t feel like shopping so they go at the last minute and end up getting the worst gifts imaginable like skis for that person who is afraid of snow, a three pack of car scents for a friend or a 6 pack of socks for a loved one with that being all the giver intends to buy and give.  

                The last week is bad since people smell of desperation and all the good gifts are gone. Customers go into the ‘If it is not nailed down, take it’ phase. These are the people who shout “How can you be sold out of this? There are still 6 hours left till Christmas!” This is also the time where people realize they need batteries and retail chains can charge anything for these items. This is when I like to stand back and watch the tears and pleading begin.    

                 “I don’t care if the cookie platter is half eaten. I’ll still buy it.”

                “The plant only has one leaf left and is dying? I’ll take it.”

                One of my biggest pet peeves about the holiday is what people give out as gifts. Specifically I am talking about clothes. My wardrobe is pretty simple. I wear black T’s and black jeans. That is the core of everything yet people still gave me clothes that there is no way on this world or the next that I am going to wear. “Uhm, that is a lot of purple.”  When I was growing up I had to fight a long and hard battle to get people to stop giving me clothes (mainly sweaters). It eventually worked and everything was fine. Now people have started up again and so the fight begins anew. I am getting too old for this.

                I tend to avoid holiday music and movies since I don’t believe in messages of goodness and coming together during this time. I think the Grinch had it right at the start and they ruined a perfectly good character. I have been called Grinch, Scrooge and many other names but I don’t care. During this time I limit my vocabulary to two words and they aren’t Merry Christmas. I have been given coal as a gift in case anyone is wondering. It came in a little red sack. I kept it and love it. Finally, someone gets me.

                Bah, Humbug.

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