While I may not know much there are some things I have learned while on this thing we call Earth (or, as the aliens taught me to call it, Spacke 889. And in case you were wondering, I was not probed by them. No matter how much I begged.).
1) You should always carry a clipboard with you. People will not bother someone who has a clipboard and looks official. For some reason the clipboard keeps people away.
If two burly guys are dragging a person away who is kicking and screaming that he is being kidnapped and needs help, people will get involved and stop the burly guys.
In the same scenario, if there is a person with a clipboard walking beside the two burly guys who are dragging a person off, no one gets involved. People just assume that this should be happening and is official.
2) Remember going to parties back in school and seeing that one person who always got so drunk every single time he would pass out in a pool of his own fluid every single time? That person now works in Congress.
4) The better something tastes, the worse it is for you...
7) The phrase "Beauty may be skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone" invariably gets mentioned around me. Yes, Jeremy Jones, I know you are talking about me. You think you are so clever, don't you? Well, I am onto you. I know what this means and I don't like it one bit!
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