Monday, January 20, 2014

giving advice

People are always looking for advice from others. People have even, on the rare occasion, asked me for advice. I cannot say that this is the best idea but they do. And being asked, I feel obliged to give advice. Below are some of the nuggets of wisdom I have passed out.

When in doubt, spit. Aim for their face when you do it since that has more meaning.

Ice cream solves 65% of your problems. "Terminator 2" solves the other 35%.

Lions and tigers and bears (oh my) need love too so make sure you hug them today. Give them a nice, big hug and squeeze real tight.

Never bring a knife to a gunfight.

Whenever someone questions you, slap them. Slap them hard. If they don't immediately bow to your wisdom, slap them again. Slap them until the police get involved and then slap the cop(s).

Watch more TV. Quit your job if you have to.

Dropping your pants to your ankles is always the best way to say hello.

Tell your boss that they are not the boss of you.

Always carry a ladle with you since you never know when someone is going to ask (loudly) "Does anyone have a ladle with them?" You will become the hero you were always meant to be that day.

People have asked me if this advice is good and I say "Of course it is. It came from me and I would never lead you astray."

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