bucket list

Okay, so conventional wisdom says everyone should have one of these lists. People should live like they want to live and do what they want to do but life (and a good sense of propriety) always get in the way. But not for me. Having a lack of shame adds to this. Below are the things that I want to do. Be warned, the list is not for the faint of heart or the gentle of constitution.  Read at your own risk.

1) Sky dive. I want to jump out of a plane and plummet to the earth. Heck, I may not even wait for the guide to say that we are over the safe zone and scream "Top of the world, ma!" as I approach the ground.

2) Wake up next to a nun and convince her that something happened the night before. Bad things. Naughty things. Things that would make people blush. Bonus points if it is Mother Superior. Heck, if I can get away with doing this I am buying myself a cake. I will have earned it.

3) To be published in a national publication (and I don't mean the Enquirer). I want to be in a respectable publication. Sure, it will probably bring down the quality of the title and may cause readership to drop but hey, as long as my goal is met.

4) To make a good woman bad and a bad woman good. I want to be the cause. And I want them to thank me for it. They can thank me with flowers. Or candy. Or candy and flowers. But no smoochies. That would be the worst.

5) To make up a new holiday. Single and childless day. It should be a national event to celebrate us who don't bring kids into the world, little beings that are competing for limited resources. Sure, the single part (for me) is by mutual decision by all women (I am told the entire female population had a meeting and voted) but it still counts.

6) To learn the word for no in Spanish. I keep asking people to tell me what it is but they only respond with "no." Why won't they tell me the word for no?

7) To have an actual, bona fide, fully functional get out of jail free card. I say this since some members of my family want to know why I am not in jail. That is the exact question they ask. "Why aren't you in jail?"

8) To get double and triple digits of followers on this blog. So far very few people have signed up as followers so I have to believe that this one "ain't looking too good." While I am wishing for the impossible, why not include a wish for more Twitter followers (@TheOneTrueAl) or for more Facebook friends. Or Skype contacts. That would be nice. Not going to happen but nice.

9) To have a best friend (Trust me, no one wants or applies for this position).

10) To topple a government. You know what I am talking about. Enough said since THEY are watching...

Some things I have accomplished (and taken off the list). Creating a pun so bad that it gets me kicked out of a house. Performing and getting a full house of applause (sure, they were first graders who did it after I read a story complete with different voices but they all applauded so I am going to take it. Plus the teacher said they never applaud when she reads a story.). To have a room full of woman scream when I enter (okay, they screamed as they ran out of the room but I will take it)